The past, the present and the future fear
I woke up this morning, in a haze, with my heart beating against my chest. It took me a moment to regain my equilibrium and realize I was terrified. I had to sit still for a good minute, to give myself sufficient time to rake through my head and understand the dream I had. I have been taunted by nightmares lately, every morning I wake up at odd hours and the same feeling of fear would run over me. I have been living in a fog of anxiety and terror, because I am afraid. Afraid of my past, afraid of my present and afraid of my future.
Not a moment goes by without my mind racing at all the places I have come from, the places I thought I would be at right now and all the places I believed I could reach. I have been in turmoil because I feel stagnant, stuck and in a foreign place. All my life I have been the one to have everything figured out and this year has been anything but going according to plan.
So, I did what comes naturally to me. I reached out to the women in my life who always have a few words of wisdom to share. I went and decided that I was not going to act like I had it together. No, I was going to be blatantly honest. I was going to lay down all my fears, anxieties and lack of focus. I put all these things on the table and trusted that these said women, who love me, would help lead my path and clear up the areas that have been foggy for so long. I strategically arranged the meetings in sequence, to allow me to go from my very troubling past, to my very confusing present and to my very uncertain future. When I started writing this post, I was worried that I couldn’t be as honest as I needed to be, because it is said that your writing journey does not start until you start being honest.
My troubling past with Ms Daisry Matias
I called to meet Ms. Daisry because for every time I have been able to talk to her, the wisdom she possesses has left me in awe. I started with Ms. Daisry because I needed to dig up the areas of my past that were effecting my identity. She taught me the following;
Your identity is something that no one teaches you. Regardless what your background is and who did and did not play their given role in your life, it is your duty to ensure that the life lived by another does not alter your present reality.
Many times the people who hurt us, have been hurt and deprived along their individual journeys. Be able to look past the hurt they inflicted on you and have a heart big enough to forgive. This will not only set you free, but it will lift a weight off your shoulder you are not intended to carry.
Regardless of how many mistakes you make, you always have two choices; to learn from the mistake and move on or to correct your mistake.
My confusing present with Ms. Tuna Willem
Having met with Ms. Tuna was a sheer coincidence and one I thank the heavens for. I was able to tap into the well of unending youth and life lessons. Her honesty and ability to be as honest about life is impeccable. She taught me that;
Your values and morals are all you have to stand for at any given time. They will lead your decision making in the most difficult times.
Honesty is the most valuable characteristic you can embody. Honesty with those around you and most importantly honesty with yourself. Be able to look yourself in the mirror and introspect. Find the strengths and weakness and work on them accordingly.
You should always be able to accredit any success to yourself. Never cripple yourself by becoming too reliant.
The world is your oyster. It is here to serve you, take chances and build towards your dreams. Dream, dream big and allow yourself to evolve into those dreams.
To my uncertain future with Ms. Kiki Ghebo
Have you ever met a bulldozer with the softest touch? Let’s try a dynamite in a small package? How about the soft touch of a mother? Ms. Kiki is a living paradox as she is as tough as nails, yet soft as a feather. It is hard to encapsulate her into words, because they cannot fully capture her character. I sat with Ms. Kiki and here is what I took away from the visit;
Your confidence is what speaks for you before you even say a word. It radiates in a room and allows people to take you in on first impression. Your confidence will push the boundaries of the status quo, it will go before you in acquiring your dreams and it will leave a lasting impression.
When you reach the age of 80, looking back, what do you want to remember? Would you like to look back and remember how you did not go after your dreams because someone hurt you or would you like to remember all the things you did and tried? Always look at your life with the eyes of an 80-year-old.
Tap into the wisdom of the mentors around you. Do not take for granted your network.
Seek advice, but always follow your dreams. They will lead the way. Allow yourself to shift and mold into the woman you are destined to be. A woman of greatness. Take chances, because what sets the world’s greatest people apart, is their ability to take chances.
I sat with all these lessons in my lap and thought to myself;
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,
'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be?”
– Marianne Williamson
With a tad bit of crazy