This week was harder than most. There is something about finding yourself buried deep in a cascade of work that makes one vulnerable. I am not entirely certain what it is about having tonnes of work that needs to be done that makes one feel like just stopping in the midst of t to lean on someone and get a hug to make it all feel better, the need to offload after a long day and vent to someone. The need to want someone to text you mid-day and ask whether you had something to eat, because they know the work load is so much that you will forget to eat.
That was me this week. I found myself wanting company, any company really because I did not feel loneliness, I just felt a void. As though after all the self-care and love I have shown myself over the past four month, my body was like.. No sweetie, we no longer want massage oils, room make-overs and dinners spent alone, we want a real person to talk to. This left me devastated, because it was a foreign feeling. I was not looking for someone to lock lips with and spend the night with cuddling with, no I simply wanted a conversation. Why it was such a foreign feeling, is because the feeling usually comes with wanting to be held and loved up on, only this time it was different. I just wanted an intellectually stimulating conversation about the United Nations General Assembly, and Trump being a complete nut case and a few good laughs.
Until I realized, there is nothing wrong with that.
Self-care does not equate to locking yourself up from the world and wanting to run every time a handsome-tall stranger glances your way. I say this, because this was me. Every time a guy looked my way I was like - nope. Nope. Nope. I do not want any testosterone ruining my newly found solitude. I wanted no part in it. This left me alone more often than not, drowning myself in essential oils and self-love, which is great. However, humans are not created to be alone, in the sense that everyone needs human interaction and guess what? That interaction does not have to be a romantic one, because getting in touch with a friend is honestly just as therapeutic.
So, I found myself calling up my buddy who honestly is the sweetest human to ever live. We then had an amazing day spent stuffing our faces and going bowling. I was able to unwind and vent about every injustice in the world and simply live. Something that I now realize I was afraid to do, because I had this illusion that my self-love remedy would come to an end if I let anyone into my bubble of self-care. I am not entirely certain where this illusion stems from, but I have a niggling feeling it comes from my recent heart-break. However, life goes on, people move on and life gains color again.
What happens when;
You find yourself stressed out and everything self-love you do simply is not working?
That bubble bath leaves you wanting to cry?
That food date alone leaves you feeling lonelier than when you decided to get up and head out?
The exercise that usually left you feeling free, left you even tenser?
Sweetheart, it is time to step out into more unfamiliar territory. This is not to say you let go of your usual self-care remedies, it just means adding something to your routine to spark up some color. Go out dancing, go to a Salsa class and dance with strangers, go to a wine and paint night and LIVE. I cannot stress how much feeling alive is as essential to your journey as self-love. The journey to self-discovery is not intended to be drag that leaves you forcing yourself to enjoy your own company, quite the contrary actually. It is supposed to be a journey filled with alone time and company time.
Tell you what, how about you challenge yourself to doing something you have been wanting to do and did not have the courage to do. For me it was meeting up with tall and handsome friend, whom I at some point avoided for fear I may fall for him. If by any chance I do, great. If by any chance I do not, also great! It goes back to having pledged a year of self-love to myself and that sticks and stays.
What will you challenge yourself to this week?
I want to hear all about it, email (firstname.lastname@example.org) me your challenge. Let’s have some FUN with it.
With a tad bit of crazy