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Would I allow life to taint the beautiful life canvas I was given?
Would I allow you to walk into my life and take my heart?
Would I give you full permission?
Blinded by the fact that you looked like a sheep, but walked like a wolf? Would I take time out to study your eyes, and see that in them I didn’t see peace, but instead I saw a burning hunger to burn everything that tried to be good to you?
Would I listen tentatively, to the bitterness in your voice? Would I pick upon the broken pieces that begged to have someone pick them up? Would I take time out to see that I had no business walking into a house haunted with memories of all you had lost?
Would I choose myself this time?
Would I see that my heart was far too precious to give to just anyone, far too valuable to deem invaluable in the face of trying to fix you? Would I see that the soft edges of my heart needed me to be tentative, protective and attentive, because I was but a girl with a heart big enough to pour love into you till my cup was empty.
Did I know better?
Yes, yes I did.
Did I do better?
No, no I did not.
Would I do it all over again?
Yes, yes I would.
Because you taught me everything love shouldn’t look like. I was able to draw from you everything that I should look out for and turn away from.
I was able to learn, that though it looks like love, smells like love, it isn’t always love.
Because when they say love is kind.
They don’t mean sometimes.
When they say love is patient,
they don’t mean seasonally.
When they say love endures all,
they don’t mean occasionally.
I now know, to look for a man that understands what Corinthians 13 truly means, and I’m okay with waiting.
- Mavis Braga Elias
