Letters to God - Cut out the toxic
You usually know what are the things holding you back from growing into the best version of yourself. Generally these things have been holding onto you for years and you have failed time and time again to cut yourself loose. Toxic habits become a part of who you are and you have convinced yourself that it's just how it is. However, deep down inside there is this nagging feeling that you have to let go and have to do better. You are constantly fighting yourself, constantly crying because you cannot figure out how to make it stop. You start to feel like you are going around in circles, because sometimes you actually manage to cut it off. Only, it shows up again, in a different form with a different face, with a different character but it is the same thing over and over again. It can be addiction, relationships, toxic behavior or an inability to grow. You start to feel hopeless and sometimes, you simply do not want to fight it anymore.
I can relate. I have been battling the same thing for two years. I was continuously finding myself saying the same prayer to God that at some point I felt - what is the point of saying a prayer I may have to repeat another time? I did not feel like I could get out of the situation because every single time it was the same thing. For two whole years! I started to feel helpless and honestly I was tired of going to the people who care about me to tell them the same thing, because I always knew that you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. I wanted to get out of the situation so bad but couldn't get the courage to stand up and walk.
The one thing I always knew was that some day, somehow it will break off of me. I knew it in my spirit and I knew it in my heart! I did not care how long it took, I did not care how much it took from me but one day I was going to win. I was going to set myself free, no matter what.. I was going to get in right standing with God.
Yesterday I went to church and I went with a heart of expectation. What that means is that you go to church and pray that something was going to happen. I prayed that God will meet me at my place of need, because the thing I did wrong all along was that I did it by my own strength and I was constantly believing that I COULD CONQUER IT. However, only a fool takes the same road every time and expect a different result. My prayer at church yesterday was that I will no longer rely on my own strength but lean on God. I prayed that something will break off of me. I prayed and not like I usually do with a defeated heart, but with a victorious heart, filled with hope.
Today, 24 hours later. One day later. God showed up and it broke off of me. 24 hours! 1 day is all it took. One day of applying faith and leaving it in God's hands. One day!! One single day!
"I know that our journeys are different, but if there is one thing I am learning is that there is only one common denominator. GOD.
Today I challenge you to gather the strength to walk away from the things that do not serve you. To get rid of toxic habits (take physical steps and may your heart be led to know what needs to be uprooted). To choose your well being. To choose your peace. To choose to walk with God.
You have been faithful. You continue to watch over me even when I am undeserving. Your mercy flows over me and I cannot thank you enough. Thank you Lord. I seal your works in my life and ask that you continue to work on me. I know you are not done yet, and I pray that I may be patient in this season. That I may hold onto your guiding hand. Amen.